


The Play

by TwiceJynxed



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-12
Updated: 2020-09-12
Packaged: 2021-03-06 03:34:33
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 9
Words: 20,252
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25866754
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TwiceJynxed/pseuds/TwiceJynxed
Summary: Disclaimer: I do not own SNK/AOT I just like to play around with the characters.he hadn’t meant for it to come to this. They were supposed to be just friends that enjoyed the carnal pleasures together. Friends that partook in the pleasures of the body and mind, leaving the heart aside however slowly her heart worms its way in and someone else has their eye sets on all of her heart body and mind.
Relationships: Eren Yeager & Reader, Eren Yeager/You, Levi Ackerman & Reader, Levi Ackerman / You, Levi Ackerman/ Reader, eren yeager x reader
Comments: 13
Kudos: 65





	1. Lack There Of

The morning sun peaked over the horizon, coloring the sky in the familiar pink and oranges as I stood watching. I was covered in love bites, bruises and a simple white sheet, something I was sure to feel even worse later on. Today was like any other day, just as last night was like any other night. Another secret meeting in his bedroom. Another long night of passion, lust and need. My gaze swung from the rapidly brightening sky to the man himself getting prepared for day. Dark hair, slate eyes, and that typical stoic expression. 

“(Name), Get ready for training. Don’t expect me to go easy on you either you little shit.” I could see the affection flash within his eyes a moment as he appraised his work. With a roll of my eyes I dropped the sheet and began moving about the room gathering my own clothing that I’d brought last. 

As I stepped into the shower I sighed. I knew he cared, I knew he wanted me but sometimes I needed more than just sex, _breath stealing, world shattering_ sex. I couldn’t stop myself from grinning remembering the way he worked my body as though I was his most precious gear that had to be taken care of. He knew my body inside and out, physically at least. I sighed and turned off the shower. I did what I could for my hair knowing it would frizz as it dried no matter what I did. 

Once dressed I left. No warnings nor awkward goodbyes. I swung by my room so that it would seem as though I was there the entire night, couldn’t have anyone knowing about our little secret. My heart twinged a bit at the thought before I gathered my gear and made myself trudge down to the mess hall. 

I grabbed a mug and made my tea nice and strong with a couple dashes of sugar. I leaned against the counter watching as Petra bickered with Olu. Those two never ceased to amaze me. My eyes wandered from them to Erwin as he and Levi seemed to be conversing quietly more than likely about the next expedition. My lips pursed as I blew gently over my tea and hummed softly my mind lingering on the new recruits that were supposed to arrive soon. 

_They would of course need to be trained and conditioned into the position but I’m sure Levi will do just fine with that._ It was as I took a sip of my tea that Hange stepped into the mess hall her excitement bubbling to the surface over the new potential victims. 

“I can’t wait for them to get here!” She crowed loudly. I couldn’t stop my laugh as she threw her arms up because even I knew that meant more expeditions, more titans for her to study which was all she seemed to live for. Bespectacled eyes turned to me. I shifted my stance just a little making her grin widen. 

“Beautiful little marks you got there (Name). Went to visit your little boyfriend in the city last night?” She was awfully cheeky this morning, her eyes flitting over the few love bites that were visible just under my jaw and practically all over my neck. I shrugged a small smile flitting across my lips. “One of.” I teased causing Levi to tense and his eyes to narrow. 

Her laughter rang around the room causing Petra to look up and make her way over to me. As she glanced at the bruises she winced, “Don’t those hurt?” Her tone was curious but I could also see her glancing at Levi with a hopeful expression. 

“Not at all, if anything it’s a reminder of the amazing night I had.” I leaned toward her and mock whispered keeping my mug clenched tight.

“Maybe you should make your move already. He won’t wait forever.” 

Her eyes widened and I offered the sweetest smile I could as her cheeks flushed. Was it cruel? Yes, yes it was but I’d wondered if perhaps that was why he couldn’t give me all of him. Was it someone else? Or was he simply that closed off outside of his _needs._

“Attention!” The familiar voice called and I all but grinned. Ah the new recruits were right on time. I took a large gulp enjoying the burn more than I should before I placed my mug down. “Better go greet the new lambs.” I mock saluted Levi and offered Erwin a smile. 

As I left I heard Hange speaking, “Erwin you sly dog, Why didn’t you tell us you were into (Name)?! And those bruises! Little Kinky aren’t you?” I heard someone splutter and something drop before my laughter filled the hall. As I got outside I hummed softly to myself. 

The sun was a bit higher already taking away some of the crisp chill of morning. “Good Morning Cadets! My name is Captain (Full Name), But you may call me Captain or Silver. Nothing more nothing less unless given permission.” I glanced around the recruits. I watched as they placed their fists over their hearts. “Yes Ma’am Captain ( Last Name).” 

I smiled at them individually causing each to relax just a bit except for one. “Introduce yourselves.” I called as Erwin, Levi, Hange, Mike exited the building to stand and survey the group themselves. 

My eyes settled on each one individually committing to memory their names, their faces while my ears committed their voices.   
“Welcome to the Survey Corps 104th.” I called as Erwin began to settle up the teams. 

Due to Mike’s and Levi’s team already being full and Levi watching over Eren I was to be the captain of a few of the new recruits. It was as everyone was dismissed that Eren wandered out of the base his eyes flashing with excitement. My heart gave a double beat at the sight of him but I brushed it off and moved towards my team as they stood under a nearby tree conversing. 

“Mikasa, Jean, Reiner, Bertolt, and Sasha.” I watched them individually as they stood to attention. I waved my hand, “Not really going to drill you today but tomorrow be prepared. Get yourselves acquainted with the area. Your rooms, the mess hall , the stalls and the training ground.” 

I crossed my arms as I watched Eren out the corner of my eye as he jogged over to my team. It was obvious that he and Mikasa were close as her attention went to him within seconds. He came to stand beside me making me shake my head and roll my eyes. 

“You all trained together right Jaeger?” I watched the others greet him some with smiles, waves and Jean with a look of annoyance. 

“Yeah, Horse face annoying but everyone else is pretty cool.” He shrugged making me nod. They’d been one of the few that had gone through a few extra years of training. Instead of graduating at 16 here they stood at 18 or in some cases 19. 

“Well I’m off. I have some paperwork to do. If you need me ask Captain Levi where I am. Don’t get into trouble.” I said waving a single hand as I began walking away. 

“She’s a little too laid back isn’t she?” I heard someone ask only for Eren to reply. “Don’t fall for that. She’s as sadistic as Captain Levi but she’s good at what she does.” 

I was almost out of hearing range when I heard another voice, “ She can step on me anyday.” 

I couldn’t stop the snort that left me as I made my way back to my office. Levi would be already preparing to see what his cadets were made of. Mike would be getting to know them deeper and Hange, well she would be calling Eren for experiments soon. 

As I walked my mind wandered to the mountain of paperwork. Sure it was my fault for not doing it all earlier but what was life without a little procrastination. Most of it were reports, a few request forms and even a recommendation request which was all fine and dandy. 

Once in my office I sat down and began my work. I worked for several hours, pausing only to cross reference something but the sound of knuckles on my door pulled me from my concentration. 

“Name and Business?” I called as I sorted through what was done and what wasn’t. 

“Eren Jaeger, I brought you lunch.” I could practically hear him shift and the rattle of some dishes. I pushed myself away from my desk my eyes flitting over the few things I used to decorate. A flower here, a letter pinned to the wall there. I moved towards my door and swung it open easily stepping to the side to allow Eren in. 

“Captain Levi told me to bring you lunch since you didn’t come to the hall.” He started as he placed the tray on my desk. I closed the door just as he sat down, those teal eyes watching me curiously. 

“So I take it the short stack did your neck in huh?” He got comfortable as I smirked at him, “What, wish it were you?” I teased as I reached for the plate thankful to see even a small portion of meat. 

I glanced up into his eyes which seemed to burn with something. “Maybe, or Maybe I know you want me.” 

“How bold of you.” I quipped making him laugh a little. 

“You didn’t deny that Captain Levi made the marks.” He pointed out making me snort softly. 

I take my first bite savoring the flavors. As I chewed I watched him thoughtfully. Once my mouth was clear of food I perked a brow at him. “Because the probability of Levi being interested in something other than doing his duties and cleaning is little to none Jaeger. ” 

He shrugged eyes going towards the window. “I’d beg to differ.” I glanced up at him tilting my head thoughtfully. 

“And what makes you think that I want you?” I asked as I reached for the cup of tea that was just within reach. As my fingers curled around the cup I watched him shrug and begin picking his nails. 

“You pay extra attention during my training and practices. You actually talk to me and you treated me like I was just another human when you first met me. Something about you just screams… _fuck me.”_

The way my eyes roll back into my head it’s amazing that I don’t see my brain, an excuse already on my lips. “You need to be prepared for whatever. Levi is Humanity’s Strongest, Mike is Humanity’s Second strongest and that leaves me being probably the most observant. The way you hesitate during combat, the way you get reckless when your emotions come into play and don’t even get me started on how you lose control sometimes with your Titan.” 

I watched as his eyes widen. “ I won’t deny that you’re handsome Eren, but I my focus is on Humanity and preserving it so that it can grow. Besides.” I began pushing my food around on my plate as I thought of my next words carefully. I glanced out the window for just a moment. It was already getting closer to evening and I still had a half a stack of papers left. 

“I’m 25. You should be with someone closer to your age, Mikasa, Krista, Sasha.” I waved my free hand towards him only to hear him stand. I could hear his footsteps as I pulled my next sheet of paper towards me ready to get to work. 

“You’re afraid.” I could feel his breath fan across the shell of my ear making me shiver. “You’re afraid you’ll want more or that You’ll develop feelings.” 

I scoff even though my skin pebbles up with goosebumps at just how close he is whispering into my ear. “Jaeger, you’re dismissed.” I said doing my absolute best to keep my voice from wavering. This however did nothing to deter him as I felt the heat from his hands as he gradually slid his fingers over my neck, fingers caressing some of the bruises. 

“Just give me a chance Captain ( name). We’ve grown close over the last month haven’t we?” 

My mind immediately flashed with a memory of working out with him, to our little talks when he had trouble sleeping and Levi was too busy for our usual. I even had a memory resurface that I’d done my best to push away. 

“And if my little friend finds out about it? Hmm? He won’t be very happy.” 

“You let me deal with that. You worry about being ready.” His lips pressed to my one weak spot, just under my ear. My body warmed in the most pleasant way as a current of lust caused my core to start to grow wet with my slick. 

“Don’t Jaeger.” I placed my hand against my desk, “You know my name why don’t you use it?” 

His voice was growing huskier by the moment as nimble fingers began to work at my jacket and then my top. There was a firm, familiar knock at my door causing me to Jerk. “Fuck..Go sit down.” I hissed at him as I tried to straighten myself out. 

“Name and Business.” I called as Eren settled into the chair leisurely. 

“Tch. You know who it is Brat.” I could practically feel him narrowing his eyes at the door. 

“Come in.” I knew I sounded a little off by the way Levi entered the room. I watched as he took his usual stride, surprise only coloring his face for what seemed like a split second as he eyed Eren in the chair in front of my desk. 

“What are you still doing here you little shit?” 

I watched as Eren shrugged, “ Just talking with Captain ( Name), Like I always do Sir.” He motioned towards my barely touched food which I stiffened as Levi’s slate eyes fell on my face. “You’re dismissed Jaeger. (Name ) And I have a meeting with Erwin and we need to go over a few things before the meeting.” 

Eren stood and moved to grab the tray with my food, “Dinner will be soon. I’ll see you later.” As he made his way to the door he paused, glanced over his shoulder and smirked at me using his free hand to lift his shirt slightly flashing his abs. 

_That little shit indeed._ I narrowed my eyes as he closed the door behind him.


	2. A Chance

Levi’s eyes watched me as I leaned back in my chair my eyes flicking to his face. Could he hear my heart pounding against my ribs? It was so damn loud. I took a deep breath, “So an expedition as I thought earlier.” 

I watched as he narrowed his eyes at me, he had to think something was up. “Weren’t you the one that was sent to cover Jaeger to plug up the hole?” 

Why was he asking about that? I pursed my lips and gave a single nod. “I was, I’d been assigned to assisting but Erwin reassigned me almost last minute to make sure the MP’s had evacuated as many as they could.” 

I watched as he took sure steady steps around my desk. “So how could you and Jaeger be so close already?” 

I bit my lip and shrugged, “ We’ve talked a lot about Titans, about the way things are and what we want to see outside the walls. He’s told me some pretty far fetched things. Water full of salt for one. We’ve trained together as well. Is it so wrong that I have Eren as a friend?” I stood slowly, not wanting him to get too close to the wet patch on my neck. 

“Tch. Friend..Friends don’t look at each other that way. You’re mine.” He stepped up to me and a chill went through my body as a memory of last night surfaced, my body growing hot with the memory. I hummed softly, “Am I? We haven’t exactly labeled anything.” 

“Shouldn’t we be going to meet Erwin?” I asked as he looked around my office glancing briefly towards my bedroom. “It’s a mission to reclaim Shiganshina. We’ll be briefing tomorrow about it.” 

That was his way of saying there was no need to see Erwin, he had something else on his mind. But what?

“So we’ll spend some time training the new cadets on formations and how they should flow. So what are we doing here now?” I moved to go around him, I still need to speak with Erwin. 

I’d just side stepped Levi when his hand shot out to grab my wrist. It wasn’t a strong grip but tight enough that he got my attention. 

We stood in silence for a moment his gaze unwavering from my face. The silence wasn’t uncomfortable but I could tell he had something he wanted to say. “You’re not going on the expedition however you’ll be assisting in training the cadets.”

A different chill went down my body, “And why the hell not?!” I didn’t think before I spoke as I snatched my wrist from his grip annoyance peppering through my body. He watched me, “Because Erwin thinks you’ll be a bigger asset with Hange.” 

Something about this didn’t seem right. I watched as his eyes softened for a moment. He reached up and cupped my cheek, his thumb brushing almost lovingly against my skin sending butterflies through my stomach. 

I hate the way my emotions rage within me when it comes to Levi. Affection, Lust, annoyance, anger. He brought it all out and without even trying to. I’d just opened my mouth to argue my point in going but he spoke first. 

“Let’s go Brat.” He pulled away and I found myself taking a deep breath, his natural smell filling my nostril making me relax a little. Why did he have this kind of affect on me? Always causing a whirlwind of emotions. Always making me relax and yet he knows exactly what buttons to push to piss me off. 

“(Name).” 

I shook my head and sighed as I followed him towards the door knowing his stoic mask was back in place and as perfect as ever. “I’ll punish you later for Jaeger.”

My spine straightened, “Nothing is going on with me and Eren.” _Not yet anyway. Could something happen? Did I want it to? Levi had been my first well everything..was it so wrong to try something new? Someone new? Especially if they were interested?_

The walk to Erwin’s office was short and filled with passing cadets some mine some Mike’s and Levi’s. It was as we got to Erwin’s office that I noticed the way Levi would glance at me every so often out the corner of his eye. Was he looking for something? I rolled my eyes as I knocked on the door. 

“State your name and Business.” The muffled voice of Erwin filtered through the door and I was torn between business and my usual antics. Before I could speak however Levi answered, 

“Captain Levi, Captain ( Name), the meeting you requested sir.” 

“Enter.” 

We entered the room, him with his usual blank stare and myself with my usual smile. “Evening Erwin, I hear we have an expedition coming up?” I kept my tone light as I closed the door behind us. 

Erwin’s baby blue eyes watched me with amusement as he set aside his paperwork. “Is that what Levi told you this was about?” 

I nodded the sour taste of confusion coating my tongue. “Yes..” What was he playing at? 

“Well it isn’t, though I suppose we could certainly touch on that.” I watched as he stood and moved around his desk only to lean against it casually. “So Hange thinks we’re secret lovers and Levi here seems to watch you like a hawk. Any reasons for that?” 

I swallowed fighting a laugh. “No Sir.” Though he could clearly see the amusement, the laughter in my eyes. 

“Of course. I think the reason being it’s you two with a little love affair. However your little greetings and farewells certainly make Hange think it’s us.” 

The way he said that, that word made me bite my lip though I was still amused the thought that Levi loved me was laughable all on it’s own. “I’m sure that’s not the correct word for it. However I do promise to explain to Hange that you aren’t my secret lover.” 

“Any reason why you two are being so secretive of your relationship?” 

“Tch.” 

I glanced at Levi who was staring at my face as I shrugged, “ It’s not really a relationship. We’re friends that benefit mutually from other activities.” 

This seemed to catch Erwin by surprise as I watched his brows shoot up and his eyes flick to Levi who easily met his gaze. “ I thought…” 

Levi’s voice rang out over Erwin’s, “It’s not important. Explain her position for the expedition.” 

I watched as something passed between the two men that sour taste doubling. “If there’s something you have to say sir, I’d appreciate it if it was just said.” 

“Look here Brat, you’ll show respect to the commander and you’ll listen to what needs to be said.” The glare he passed on to me was no better than the harsh tone he’d used in speaking. Though I was used to this my heart sank just a little. 

I sucked in a breath stood straighter and turn to Erwin, “I’ve been informed that my station is with Hange. How long do I have to train my cadets?”

“(Name), you can relax, This an informal meeting.You have a month to train them, you’ll be with the recovery team. You may leave at your leisure.” He watched me, I couldn’t be sure of what he saw or what he heard in my voice because I wasn’t sure exactly what I was feeling. So many things raged within my chest, within my mind and despite my best efforts it hurt. The way he would Dominate or reprimand me. 

“Yes Sir. Have a good evening.” I left the room without a second glance at Levi. Maybe I should give Eren a chance? However I’ve spent several years with Levi. First as teammates, associates, friends though that word could probably be really tentative while just a year ago we’d become lovers. 

I knew how he could be and yet somehow I still was hurt. Why? Lost in my thoughts I’d made it all the way to the Kitchen where I grabbed dinner and took a seat at my usual table. I took a few bites keeping my head down doing my best to override whatever feelings I’d started to develop because that had to be the reason right? That had to be why I felt the things I did for him.

“Rather short meeting for you to be so deep in thought.” His tone was smooth, comforting even though there was a bit of concern within his voice as he sat down beside me. 

I managed to muster up a small smile, “Yeah well most things that involve Levi means an insult at some point, some lecture and then dismissal.” I did my best to shrug off the feelings from the so called meeting. 

“I thought you were meeting with the Commander as well.” The amusement that colored his words caused a snort to leave me. “It was a meeting with Erwin, we went over some things had a nice little talk. Apparently I was disrespectful and so Levi stepped in.” 

I glanced up as Mikasa, Armin and Jean joined us at my table. “Do you two always sit together for dinner?” Jean inquired making me laugh a little. 

“Only on the bad days.” 

“Everyday.” 

I glanced at Eren who smirked, “Shut up Jaeger.” I muttered as I took another bite of my dinner. Having not eaten lunch my stomach was completely empty and so I focused on that as they talked around me. 

“Eren how are they treating you? I could kill that midget for what he did.”

“I’m fine Mikasa. That was a one time thing unless you count Captain (Name), Drilling me on combat for hours at a time.” 

I felt their gazes on me and shrugged, “My team will be no different. Hand to Hand combat, 3dm training, formation training and bonding with your horses. You’ll do this day in and day out. If you can’t sleep, I can assure you I’ll be out on the training grounds some nights waiting to help you to sleep.” 

Mikasa looked curious, though she did continue to flicker her eyes between Eren and I. Armin’s eyes grew wide. “That makes sense. Being prepared, being ready and knowing things inside and out.”

I nodded, “I can’t believe you’ve spent that much time on this suicidal maniac.” Jean muttered making me laugh, “ That a term of endearment or something?” I ask making Armin laugh and Eren roll his eyes. 

“Or Something.” 

Slowly I could feel myself relaxing, “ So tell me something about yourselves. Better to talk now before things get too busy.” 

No one spoke for a moment, the chatter of the room filling in as they dug into their food. “Or don’t.” I tested waving a hand around the group, “You all know each other already.” 

“Yeah, maybe you should tell them about you instead.” He sent me a smirk making me roll my eyes, “ You are such a pain in the ass you know that?” 

Jean gave a hearty laugh, “ I’ve been telling him that since day one!” I felt Eren tense and patted his knee under the table. He shot me a quick glance and I shrugged before finishing off my food. 

“Well I joined the Survey Corps fresh out of training was Number 3 of my class. My parents died from a house fire a year after I joined. Thankfully my little brother wasn’t home.” My thoughts trail off as I remember getting that missive about them. 

They were quite as I began cleaning up after myself, “ He joined the as soon as he could and is now apart of the Military Police Brigade.” Pride swelled within me. He was doing well, he sent me letters as often as he could talked about his family he’d started wife and kids. 

“How old are you?” A new voice asked. 

I looked up and noticed Reiner I believe was his name and Bertolt had joined us. “Oh I’m 25.” 

“You don’t look 25, though I guess it’s a surprise I guess, Not may people live this long in the corps.” He seemed thoughtful and I could only watch him, my brows furrowing. 

“You do know that Captain Levi is 30 right?” I watched as everyone’s eyes grew wide including Eren’s. 

“But he’s so short.” Jean hissed and I couldn’t stop the laugh from bubbling through me. 

“His height has nothing to do with how strong and capable he is. Which if I’m being honest I admire him for his strength and convictions especially during battle. Sure he can be a hard ass all the time but he knows what he’s doing.” With my area now clean I stood slowly only for Eren to grab my arm. 

Armin spoke before he could though. “So that means you’ve been studying under him for a while right? Shouldn’t that mean you have those same values and knowledge?” 

I thought about his words really thought about them. Did I have the same convictions? Was I as strong as Levi? Could I lead my team the way he leads his? All at once I knew the answer. “No, it doesn’t. We all have our strengths and weaknesses and while I’m just as agile as Levi because lets face it I’m small.” 

That earned a few snickers here and there, “He has a strength I haven’t gotten just yet.” 

Eren released my arm thoughtful as he too began to clean his area. “ Are we training tonight?” He sounded hopeful which of course made me laugh a little. If I were being honest with myself I wanted to but I really needed to get some sleep as last night hadn’t been restful at all. 

“Not tonight. You should enjoy the time with your friends. I expect my team to be ready at 5 am and on the fields ready to train. Have a good night cadets.” I turned on my heel and began the trek to put away my dishes. 

The trip to my room felt longer than usual. Maybe because so much had happened today? Maybe because after all this time I am seeing things I didn’t before? Upon entering my room I locked the door behind me and began to slowly strip out of my clothes intent on getting to my shower as quickly as possible. 

_Levi seems a little more possessive lately. A little more dominate. Was there something I missed or has he just really noticed that we won’t have as much time together? Why was I assigned to Hange this time instead of being over my cadets? Wouldn’t it be smarter for them to see me in battle with them?_

All these questions and no answers. “Tch…I hate being in the fucking dark.” There were some surprises that were alright but when it was life or death I didn’t like it not one bit. I mean who would?

The shower itself felt amazing though my gaze would linger over old scars that littered my body. Reminders of battles I’d wont, survived and the one time I’d narrowly escaped death. Was I doing the right thing anymore? I stood under the water for just a bit longer before I finally shut it off and dried my body. 

I’d just stepped out of my bathroom when there was a few knocks on the door. “Captain (Name), It’s Eren..” 

I moved towards my door, unlocked it and opened it only for my tongue to stick to the roof of my mouth. His hair was wet, his shirt was slightly open and those gorgeous turquoise eyes were staring right at me. I’d had just enough time to throw on an old button up t-shirt and some pants thankfully. 

“Can I come in?” Smooth as honey, and yet deeper, huskier than normal. I nodded slowly and stepped to the side. Was this the right thing to do? Could I really follow through with this?”

I closed the door behind him as he looked around the room. “We never finished that talk earlier.” 

I watched as he leaned against my desk. I rubbed my forehead and grabbed a nearby towel to dry my hair. “Because there was nothing else to talk about Eren…” _Liar._

His lips quirked up and I knew I’d said the wrong thing, “ Well they do say actions speak louder than words, “(Name), maybe it’s just time I showed you?” He’d phrased it as a question but I knew he wanted to push me to my limits like the tease he was easily showing himself to be. 

“I’m honestly tired Eren. My body and mind are both drained from the events and information given today.” 

His pupils were blown wide with desire, I refused to look down the rest of his body in fear that I’d cave upon seeing him aroused. “Then let me do all the work.”

I sucked in a breath, was it so wrong to want to be taken care of for once? I nodded slowly, “ Okay..” I whispered knowing I’d probably regret this in the morning. I watched as he pushed off the desk and locked my door. 

He motioned towards my bed, “Lets get you ready.” 


	3. Maybe Just Maybe

He motioned towards my clothes reminding me that in order to move forward I’d need to get undressed. The longer I stood there the longer it just felt so planned. Nothing about planned sex was fun and so I found myself shaking my head. “ Maybe we shouldn’t Eren this feels so planned.” 

His eyes bored into me as he took what looked like calculated steps towards me. Warm hands settled themselves on my hips as he pulled me closer to his body. My room wasn’t cold by any means but the heat of his body felt comforting. “Don’t think about it.” He all but whispered as he began to undo the buttons of my button up. 

I swallowed thickly as my eyes settled once more on the exposed skin of his chest. How many times had I thought about Eren touching me and here he was doing it. My gaze traveled up to his face and I knew I’d made the right decision. My hands slid over his chest only to stop at the remaining buttons of his shirt. 

“You’ll see ( name).” Something about those words, the passion behind them stroked the fire that was slowly causing my blood to simmer with need. Once my buttons were undone his calloused fingers brushed my skin as he pushed the shirt off my shoulders. 

I pulled away just a moment so that my arms could slide out of it. The sound of him taking in a breath caused my body to warm even more including my cheeks. “I knew you were beautiful but fuck..” He muttered as he leaned forward. His lips began brushing teasingly against my neck, jaw and the juncture where my shoulder met my neck. 

We began moving backwards, him crowding me towards my bed. “ I promise (name) this will be worth it.” I knew what he really meant. _Giving him this chance would be worth it._

As the back of my knees hit the bed I fell backwards onto the bed making him chuckle. “Next comes your pants. Scoot back on the bed.” Despite his words being commands they were spoken softly. I could see his bulge growing and I wanted nothing more than to start the fun. Maybe to get it over with? Or maybe because this was much different than what I was used to. 

Levi was firm, rough, demanding and never felt like this. No Levi was amazing in a carnal or maybe feral kind of way. This was so much more. I watched the way Eren licked his lips as I moved up a little more on the bed. I shivered as his hands moved towards my pants, tugging gently until they slid down my legs leaving me completely bare before him. 

With Levi there was teasing sure, but foreplay wasn’t often, not often enough. Eren pulled his shirt off the rest of the way and my breath rushed from my body. My eyes wandering the muscles that flexed as he showed off. My mouth was completely dry as I imagined just running my tongue along his chest, his abs and down to his length which seemed harder than even a few moments ago. 

He placed his hands on my knees and spread my legs slowly. He didn’t speak as he began kissing down my thighs, nipping and licking the closer he came to my core. I could feel my heart skipping beats the closer he came to my nether lips. He teased each thigh with the expertise I didn’t know he had. The way his lips lingered just long enough to cause chills. The way his fingers dug into my hips as he moved closer and closer. 

What was at first a simmer became a full tsunami of lust and desire. Our gazes stayed locked even as he finally gave my core the longest lick he possibly could. I couldn’t stop the moan that left me. I couldn’t stop the full body shiver that raced through me as he began longer, faster licks. He took a single finger and began teasing my clit, rubbing it in circles. 

Pleasure began at my core and spread through out my body. My teeth sunk into my bottom lip as I began rocking my hips as against his tongue only for him to slip his tongue inside of me. 

“Oh God, Eren..please..” Words tumbled from my mouth as I spread my legs just a little wider. He chuckled and the following vibrations made me slide my fingers through his hair and tug gently hoping to pull him closer, wanting or was it needing? I was still sensitive from last night and yet this very moment felt like he was soothing everything at once. 

He pulled away slightly his lips and tongue wet with my juices, “Mm tell me what you want.” 

My chest heaved and I tugged a little more on his hair watching the way his eyes darkened, “ You I want you right here right now.” 

His tongue darted out and slid along his lips, “Tell me more.” He lowered his mouth back to my clit and I just about lost it as that tingling began sliding through my body, my core clenching around nothing as I began to slowly gush even more with excitement. 

“I want your dick inside me, I want to feel you cum on my face..please Eren, I do want you. You’re right..You just..” My words broke off as a loud moan was ripped from my chest. My eyes closed my mouth hung open as my back arched off the bed. I felt the slight burning just before I came all over his face. 

His teeth grazed my clit and I bucked my hips against him more my body slowly coming down from it’s high. “What do I do for you? Hm?” My eyes opened as he began crawling up my body, “You....you...” I panted unable to find the words anymore. The weight of him hovering over me as he nestled himself between my legs was more than welcome. 

His length was begging for release. I could feel it practically pulsating against my core however he didn’t enter me. Instead he rocked his hips causing his length to tease my lips, and my clit causing me to jerk. His head leaned down to my face where he gently nipped at my lips making me smile a little if not lazily. 

This, felt good in the way that my heart soared. In the way that it really felt like he cared more about me, about the experience for me about wanting to connect to me. I wrapped my legs around his waist, my eyes staring up at his. “Eren..”

“Shh. Let me show you what that I can do for you.” His face went into my neck as he finally slid into me. He was long, so fucking long and thick. I’d never thought...ooh my fuck I’d never though Eren could, would, feel like this. He pushed inch by inch into me causing my breath to escape me with a moan so sharp I was sure if it’d been a weapon my tongue would be gone. 

Once he bottomed out inside of me his lips began to pepper kisses along my neck and jaw. “You’re going to be a good girl for me right? You’re going to take all of me (name)?” 

I nodded my eyes fluttering rapidly. The tip of his length was kissing my cervix in the most delicious mixture of pleasure and pain. “Yes...yes just please...please move.” 

I should have been careful when I asked that because not only did he move but he began a different assault. His mouth attached to my neck as his hips began rolling and grinding into me. His pelvis brushing my clit causing broken moans to escape me when I finally did catch my breath. 

The way his thick length brushed along my walls, my core tugging and begging him to stay sheathed within me was magical, but nothing seemed to be as hot as his soft groans and words in my ear every few thrusts. 

“So goddamn beautiful. You’re eyes, your smile, your voice, your face..” His panting grew a little harsher and I felt him shudder above me, “ The way you take my cock so beautifully. Pulling me back in. You like the way I fuck you don’t you baby? It’s okay..tell Daddy you love it.” 

It was like each and every word caused the fire within me to burn bright until all I could do was rock back against his thrusts. Until all I could do was pull him closer, dig my nails into his back and respond. “ _Yes Daddy.. I love it... I love it...please...more..”_

His thrusts sped up, grew deeper as his breathing grew harsher. It wasn’t until he pulled away and sat on his knees that I knew I was in trouble. Eren Jaeger was turning my world out and if we weren’t careful I might get addicted. 

Time became lost to us as we switched positions, as orgasms came and went as I finally realized what I was missing with Levi until slowly I fell asleep covered and filled with his cum. I watched through bleary eyes as he dressed and left my room stumbling as the sun began to rise. The marks of our night clear as day against his neck and back, and those goddamn shoulders. 

I’d only been able to hum and moan softly as he kissed my lips and forehead telling me to get some rest. I didn’t have too much longer before I needed to be up and ready to train my team but my body was not with it. Not this time. I wiggled a little feeling the delicious soreness before I fell back ignoring the way my thighs slid easily against each other. Ignoring the way I could still envision Eren laying between my thighs devouring me like a man starved. 

As I curled up and pressed myself deeper into the mattress, I knew I was in trouble oh big trouble. 

** Meanwhile Earlier**

Erwin leaned against the corner of his desk watching as she walked out without sparing Levi a glance, something he was sure was purposeful. Aquamarine eyes watched Levi as he glanced at the door and waited several minutes. “So what happened to telling her how you feel?” 

“Tch.” Levi stared at Erwin with narrowed eyes, “There’s nothing to tell. It’s just sex.” He crossed his arms and Erwin _almost_ laughed. “That why you asked that I put her with Hange instead of with her team?” 

Levi tensed and glanecd out the window. “ She’s not ready to lead he team just yet. She’s headstrong, she’s intelligent but she lacks experience with guiding.” 

Erwin picked lazily at the small knickknacks on his desk, “ That what you’re telling yourself so that you don’t have to worry about losing her?” 

Levi remained quiet his eyes going towards the door once more. She should already know he cares shouldn’t she? He wasn’t really good with feelings and shit. Yes, despite popular belief he has feelings. Expressing them however was another story. The beginning of a headache was beginning to form just behind his eyes making him pinch the bridge of his nose in hopes of staving off for a little longer. 

“You need to tell her before it’s too late.” Erwin urged making Levi shoot up from his seat. “ There is nothing to tell and even if there was it’s fine. She’s going going to be within the titan’s range until we trap the traitor so it’s fine.”

The sound of Erwin sighing filled the room, “You know one day this denial is going to bite you in the ass and I hope for your sake Levi it isn’t with her blood on your hands. You’re dismissed.” Deep down or maybe it was on the surface? Erwin cared. For his subordinates however despite that his desires, his dreams were still his top priority and so he would undoubtedly get back to work. 

He watched as Levi nodded and slipped out the room without another word. “Denial is as wicked as love.” He whispers to himself returning to the paperwork. 


	4. Guilty

  
My eyes cracked open as my internal clock rang loudly within my head, a reminder that once you form a routine it was hard to break. It wasn’t much sleep but it would have to do for now. My nose wrinkled feeling the dried remains of last night or was it this morning? I couldn’t stop the goofy grin that spread across my face. It had been amazing but as I moved nausea rolled within me. 

The sudden urge to vomit I got up as quickly as my burning muscles would allow. Thankfully the bathroom wasn’t too far because the moment I got to the toilet the familiar burning started in my throat. Was this shame? Was this guilt? As I emptied my stomach my cheeks were being drenched as tears slid down them. 

I’d enjoyed it, wanted more and yet these feelings. It wasn’t long before I was only gagging and dry heaving, the sobs leaving me more so than anything else. How long I sat there just thinking, I wasn’t sure but eventually I hauled myself up and started the hottest shower I was able to stand. The steady stream relaxed my muscles, soothed my mind even if only momentarily. 

Getting dressed was relatively easy, though as I glanced at the window I sighed knowing it would be a long day regardless of how easy I tried to take it. Once in full gear, cavet and all I made my way to the mess hall and took a deep breath causing my stomach to roll at the thought of food. 

Ignoring food altogether I grabbed a mug and sipped at tea watching as my team shuffled in. Some offered little waves, a couple offered a smile and a wave. The hall was slowly filling with people. It wasn’t until Jean approached me that I straightened up, “Morning Captain (Name), Uh sleep well?” 

Could he see the bags under my eyes? I perked a brow a small smile sliding to rest on my lips. “That obvious?” 

His eyes widened and the desire to laugh was slowly filling me as he sputtered and shook his head eyes wide. I turned and sat down my mug, “Don’t worry about it Jean. I don’t sleep well most nights. Hence why I train most nights until I pass out.” I patted his shoulder as I passed him and left to the training grounds. 

Upon getting to the grounds there stood Reiner, he towered over me easily but he never seemed intimidating at least not to me. My eyes followed his movements. Jabs, dodges and rolls as he and Bertolt practiced hand to hand. I noticed the way he studied Bertolt, the way Bertolt seemed to pull his swings and punches. 

“You shouldn’t pull your punches Hoover. The more you pull the easier it is to predict your movements. When you’re fighting you need to give it all be it with a titan or with another human.” 

The pair stopped and turned to me saluting with their fists over their hearts. I offered a small smile and waved them off. “ Reiner come at me.” 

Without a second thought he came at me and I noticed he relies on strength, and how sturdy his body is. My arms raised and as he swung I ducked beneath his arm and my knee slammed into his side. Without a second my feet moved me just out of his reach as he threw a right punch at my shoulder. 

His eyes narrowed and but my focus remained on his body as he began advancing yet again. His stance was beautiful the way he was grounded and yet he still left his upper body open. 

Not knowing what was going on I could hear other rapidly approaching causing Reiner to stop what he was doing to turn to Levi as he began barking as usual. I delivered a hard kick into his hip pushing him back a few inches and making him wince. 

“What the hell is going on here?!” His voice was harder than normal, arms crossed over his chest as his eyes flickered between us. A breath left me as I turned to face him my body moving towards Reiner. “Hand to hand training. Stop interrupting. You’re going to get someone hurt.” 

I hadn’t meant for it to come out so harsh or even as angry as it did but it was obvious it shocked him by the way his eyes grew wide for the briefest of seconds. “Don’t you have a team to train and prepare for briefing?” My hand ghosted over Reiner’s side. I didn’t see a bruise developing and so I shrugged it off. 

“You’ll be fine. Take it as a reminder to never take your eyes off your opponent no matter what. It could cost you your life one day.” 

“Of course Captain.” 

As the rest of my team seemed to spread out I shook my head ignoring the burning stare of Levi behind me. “We’ll start with hand to hand, move on to running and perhaps if we have time I’ll see about a break before debriefing. Mikasa I’ve heard great things about you, I’d like for you to monitor the hand to hand. Bertolt you’ll be with Jean. Reiner I want you with Sasha.” 

The four of them got into their stances and so training began. The warmth that always covered my body when he was around hung in the air causing the nausea to thicken. What the fuck is going on with my body? Why couldn’t I get it together. 

“You look like shit.” His frank way of speaking always did make me wonder what the hell I saw in him but it was as I turned to snap at him that I saw the concern flash in his eyes before it was hidden. 

“Nice way to greet me in the morning Ackerman. Did you need something?” Tired, I was tired of this already. Everything within me screamed at me to tell him, to talk to him to explain myself. Why? I wasn’t like he cared. It wasn’t like he wanted anything from me but what I could give him. 

My gaze settled on his face as he stared at me with his usual stoic expression. “ You didn’t come to my room last night.” It came out almost like an accusation.

“Yeah well I had shit to do Levi. I can’t spend all my nights under and over you.” His fingers wrapped around my wrist turning me to face him. My eyes studied his face and I wished for the first time ever that I didn’t care for Levi the way I did.

“You’re hurt by what I said yesterday.” His voice was soft but his grip remained firm. 

My arm jerked back but his grip held firm, “What does it matter how I feel Levi? You’ve made it pretty clear that this is sex and nothing more. That I am nothing more than a convenience for you? Your words yesterday chastising me like I am a child. I think we both know that I’m not. Don’t even get me started on punishing me for a friendship with Eren.” The tirade I went on was unintended, but I suppose I needed to get it all out. 

“I never said you were just a convenience to me.” 

My eyes slide up to the sky as my eyes rolled and I jerked my wrist once more. The blues of the sky was calming though the feeling of his hand felt more like an anchor. Was I wrong for what I said? I didn’t think so but this nagging feeling within me told me to look deeper, to stare harder. 

“ Look, I’ll rest another day or two. I’ll come to you when I feel up to. In the mean time just...leave me alone.”   
He released my wrist and I took that as my que to leave. “I don’t want to.” 

His words made me freeze and my heart squeezed. “Do you actually even care Levi? Like actually care?” 

He sighed and I could tell that a headache was coming on. “We’ll talk about this later.” 

A loud humorless laugh left me as I shook my head. “ Whatever.” I muttered turning back to my cadets. I needed to focus and the cloud of my thoughts, my feelings were only distracting me. Perhaps that’s why he didn’t want more. Distractions could be dangerous, but tell that to my heart. 

As I focused on them time seemed to move rather quickly as I stepped in here and there to instruct or correct things, give praise where it was due and scold when needed. As it grew closer to debriefing I sighed and pulled myself and my team together. 

“You all did great today, remember that hesitation is death be it for you or your comrades. Humanity is counting on all of us. Shower, eat and prepare for briefing. I’ll meet you by the stables afterwards.” 

Sasha perked up at the mention of food making me laugh a little. I watched as Mikasa glanced around the ground looking for Eren or Armin. “Eren is with Hange they start titan training early so that he can move on to combat and 3dm training leaving him with team bonding in the evening.” 

I watched her relax completely, “Armin should be with his team thought I’m not sure what Mike is starting with today. He’s a little unpredictable most days.” 

Reiner and Jean both stepped forward, “What are you plans Captain?”   
“Are you going to join us for team building?” 

My lips pursed as I glanced between the pair before I considered their words. I was planning to get more tea in hopes of settling my stomach. “I’ll join you in the mess hall in a bit. Mikasa if you’d like to follow me they should be taking a small break now.” 

The hurried steps of her feet caught my ears as I moved towards the outskirts. The walk was quiet, calm even something I certainly needed after the morning already. “Are you and Eren a thing?” 

I choked and began coughing as saliva went down the wrong pipe. “I’m sorry?” I asked glancing at her, “You know his schedule really well, you’re obviously close by the way he talks about you and Captain Levi. It’s just he watches you..”

“No we aren’t a thing. When Eren first came to the Corps, he was bruised and bleeding. Hange asked me to help him as she studied what she could of him. Alot of the soldiers shunned him, wouldn’t be around him.” I shrugged, “I didn’t. We’d eat lunch together with Levi’s team. We sparred at night when we couldn’t sleep. We argued over the best options and strategies. He told me about what he wanted to see outside of the walls.” 

As I spoke I realized that Eren really had grown on me in more than one way. I genuinely cared about his happiness, his safety and well being. It was nothing compared to how I felt about Levi but it was growing. Could it lead to that kind of feeling? Is that why I felt so guilty?

“So you were just there when he needed someone?” The soft spoken question made me nod as we finally came to the clearing. “Admiration and friendship probably.”

There in the middle of the field stood Eren shirtless with a grin on his face while Hange whooped and screamed in excitement. “Ah, should warn you. She’s very excitable little eccentric but she always means well.” 

The closer we got the better we could hear her speaking. “You were amazing. Three transformations full and mostly in control. We still need to work on speech and seeing just how to keep you in control.” 

“I’m at least remembering things better now. Kind of like a fog is clearing.” 

“Eren!” Mikasa began walking briskly towards him but I stopped by Hange as she turned to me with the brightest smile she could. “Ooo looks like someone didn’t get any sleep last night.” 

“Erwin wear you out again? I swear that man must be a beast!” 

I shouldn’t have, I know I shouldn’t have but I curled over laughing. My body shook, my eyes closed the harder I laughed. “He’s..” I started before another round of laughter wracked my body “It’s not...” 

Tears were crowding my eyes, “It’s not Erwin..” I finally managed as I straightened myself out. 

“What do you MEAN It isn’t Erwin?! I’ve seen the looks you two share! The winks! The inside jokes! The laughs! How?! WHO?!” 

My lips split into a large grin, “My little secret Hange. Though I have to say you really watch Erwin don’t you? Maybe you’re the one that’s after him.” 

She waved her hand as if to bat away the thought. “Not even. My research is the most important thing. Could it be Mike?” 

I snorted the smile still in place, “Don’t even fucking go there.”

“You’ve been around Levi way too long. He’s rubbed off on you.” 

_That isn’t the only thing he’s rubbed on me._ The thought made me laugh a little more. “Shut up Hange your theories are ridiculous it’s like they get worse by the second.” 

“That’s it! It’s Levi isn’t it?” She clapped her hands and I shook my head my smile slowly sliding from my face. I opened my mouth to speak only for the familiar voice of Eren to interrupt me. 

“No, It’s me.” His eyes were intense as he eyed me. “Isn’t that right Captain (Name)?”

“In your fucking dreams Jaeger.” The teal of his eyes sparked for a moment while Mikasa frowned making me rub my forehead. “Why is my sex life such a hot commodity?” 

“Well if you didn’t come in looking like you got mauled by something we probably wouldn’t even notice.”

 _Fucking Levi and his need to leave marks, though I’m sure Eren did the same last night._ The thought alone caused a pleasant tingling through my body making me shiver. “We need to get moving.” Changing the subject seemed like a good idea. 

“We have an expedition coming up right?” Eren asked as he leaned down to get his shirt. I watched as Mikasa eyed him appreciatively. Mikasa and Petra. I just had to get tangled up with those two men didn’t I? Why couldn’t it have been someone else? Mike, Erwin? Reiner? Hell even Jean. Oh right because apparently my type is dark haired men. 

“(Name)..You okay?” Hange was suddenly in my line of sight and I found myself wanting to tell her everything but a secret was a secret for a reason, but it couldn’t hurt could it? I shook my head. “Lets just head out.” I mutter my mood slowly souring. 

I started walking but Hange quickly caught up to me. “You know if it is Levi, I wont judge you. Everyone has to have or find happiness somewhere or with someone. If that someone is the vulgar short stack then that’s your business, you know?” 

Seeing her so serious was rare but more welcome at this time than she understood. I took a deep breath and turned to her stopping in my tracks. “Everything okay?” Eren asked as Mikasa stood silently beside him. 

“Yeah you two go ahead. You have an hour and a half to get to debriefing in the meeting hall. Don’t be late.” 

Once the pair was out of sight I took another breath though it did nothing to quell the tears that were slowly dropping from my lashes. “I don’t know where to begin Zoe.” 

Caught off guard by the emotions she saw crossing my face she moved a little closer. “Hey, the beginning is a good start.” 

“I think I’m in love with him but I just tried being with someone else and...it felt amazing and yet.. I feel so nauseated and drainer. Zoë I don’t think this is right. He doesn’t feel the same way but I just..” The words choked me as the tears fell faster. It felt good to get them out but the more I spoke the more I realized I was in too deep. 

“Look, I know what it’s like to love someone and it be one sided, but the most important thing is you and your well being. Distance yourself if you have to. Throw yourself into something that you’re passionate about. I just have to know...” Her eyes flickered over my shoulder at something but back to me. 

What was she looking at? “Is it Levi?” 

My shoulders dropped as my arms wrapped around me. My head moved so that I could look at the trees and grass just past her body. “Yes...Zoe...” 

Her hand grasped my shoulder gently making her come back into my line of sight. “Talk to him, you can never be sure what’s on his mind or what he’s thinking. He might feel the same.” 

I scoffed as she offered me a smile before she turned to head back towards the barracks more than likely. I turned to follow only to see Levi fucking Ackerman standing there with the most thoughtful expression on his face. 

In full uniform, hair dusting his forehead eyes focused only on me. The breath left my lungs and then the thoughts began. _Fucking Hange, she fucking knew he was there. She set me up. **Not really this is your fault for not keeping your thoughts and feelings to yourself.** Yeah thanks I know that just...I need to stop. _

_“_ So, you love me.” It wasn’t a question, it was a bold statement spoken in that usual monotone voice. 


	5. Vulnerable

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hopefully this chapter isn't too much of a let down. I still have a few things to get through for the next five chapters. Hopefully you hang with us til the end.

We stood just staring at each other. He didn’t move but I knew he was waiting for me to say something, probably anything but the way my chest burned and the way my mouth seemed to dry up completely. It felt like all the water had moved to my eyes because they were slowly starting to fill with tears I did my best to hold in.

My hand raised as I tried to clear my throat coughing a little. How could I love him and still want Eren? How could I compare the two? Nothing good can come of him knowing and yet it’s too late to take it back and so I did the only thing I could think of. My shoulders raised and fell as I crossed my arms. Daring him to say something.

We stood there just a few more moments before he moved towards me his hand raised. I watched as he used the back of his hand to caress my cheek. “You’re an idiot you know that (name)?” His voice was soft and it soothed the ache that was starting within my heart fearing the rejection and loss. I nodded my head slowly my own hands going up to grab his hand to hold it there.

“After all this time you’d think I wouldn’t care about you?” He rolled his eyes making me smile a little. This moment never happened before and I wanted to savor it just incase it was the last one. He watched me as I finally let the tears fall.

“What are you crying for dumbass?” Despite his cursing he had already turned his hand around to cup my cheek and I couldn’t stop that the smile grew just a little bigger. “You care about me..”

All this time I’d thought it was just sex with him, he didn’t do the loving things but I hadn’t expected him to I just believed that he’d change something if he was starting to grow feelings for me. **_Caring for you and being in love with you are two different things._ ** I knew that and yet just him caring was a step I’d be willing to accept. **_What about Eren?_** He made me feel differently, Levi makes me feel safe. He makes me feel strong, like I can do anything, like I have someone that truly has my back.

Sure he’s humanity’s greatest and yet he never fails to make me feel like an equal when we’re out in the field together. That’s just the way our friendship has always been. I couldn’t even be sure when I’d fallen in love with him. We went on missions together, we spent time together when outside of those missions and yet somewhere along the lines I’d saw him as more than a friend.

With Eren I felt cherished, cared for in a more open way. In a way that left me giddy and excited even though I am pretty great at hiding it except for from him. Eren is the person I’ve told all my hopes and dreams to and could feel that I was judged. I got feedback, sometimes silly and sometimes serious where as if I’d told Levi any of it I’d be chastised and probably told to let go of my delusions.

The feeling of a gentle poke to my forehead brought me out of my thoughts. “ Lets go, we’ll talk about this later.” His words left no words for argument, but I found myself wishing, hoping that he’d just lie to me, pretend that he loves me for a little while. It was a stupid hope because Levi was many things but a liar? He would never. He saw no point, no reason to.

The meeting itself went about as well as I’d expected it to. Questions flew around the room, plans were explained and formation plans were given out. I found myself wishing I could go on the expedition even if only to be there to protect my team. Perhaps if I talked to Erwin I could be moved. I waited until it was Just Erwin and Levi in the meeting room. Levi glanced at me but I kept my eyes on Erwin. I saluted, crossing my first over my heart and waited to be greeted.

“Captain (Name). What can I do for you?” I noticed his formality though that would more than likely be because we were outside his office.

“Commander I’d like to request that I be placed with my squad. I’d like to be there to make sure things run smoothly. To make sure we work as a team should. As their captain it is my duty to lead, to protect and to show them the ropes. I can’t do that if I’m not on the field sir.”

He studied me for just a moment before he smiled. “Convince the Lieutenant and I’ll make the proper changes.” He patted my shoulder and my mouth fell open as my eyes turned to Levi. This, he had to have something to do with this.

“Levi..you know how important this is. This isn’t just getting experience this is protecting my team.”

He nodded as he crossed his arms, “No.” My fists balled up and I took a step towards him. “ They need me Levi! I…I need to be there to make sure things go smoothly to make sure they…don’t die.” My words broke off as he gave me the hardest glare he could.

“And what about you (name)? You’re going to give your life for them if one of them fucks up?” He growled angrily stepping up so that we were chest to chest.

“Yes! As their captain it is my duty, my job to put my team first. Yes I would give my life for them. I’d fight my hardest to live but if it came down to death then so be it.” It wasn’t until I stopped speaking that I realized I was screaming in his face.

“I said no and that’s final.” He wasn’t screaming, he was calm as always but there was an errant feeling I could sense coming from him though I couldn’t figure out what it was.

“Fucking hell Levi you aren’t my father, I shouldn’t have to go through you for every little thing.”

“ _If I lose you there will be no humanity’s strongest. I **wont** lose you (Name). Not you.”_ His words, caused a chill to go down my spine as I realized he felt vulnerable and if there was one thing he didn’t like it was feeling exposed.

“Then have faith and trust in my abilities don’t fucking hold me back!”

“I’m afraid (Name) How fucking hard is that to understand?”

I threw my arms around his body and held him close, “ You weren’t afraid on any other mission so why now.”

Slowly his arms came around my body as he pulled me closer, “ Who said I wasn’t afraid then? I was terrified. I know you’re strong, I know you are capable but all it takes is one mistake, one misfire and you’ll be gone.”

He held me tighter and there was nothing I could do but hold him tighter. “ Please Levi..we can talk about this more in a couple days but just…please understand that I need this, my team needs this.”

He squeezed me tighter before he released me with a simple, “ Fine. I’ll talk to the commander. Don’t think I won’t be trying to get you as close to my squad as possible.” With that he turned and walked out the room. As the door closed behind him I found myself on my knees.

I needed to get myself together. Too much was going on at once and I had no idea how to get it all together. Could I really pursue anything with Eren knowing that Levi had my heart? How could I know how different things could be with someone else if I only let myself stay where I’m comfortable with Levi. Sex and relationships were different, not that Levi confessed or even said he wanted one, but maybe he does. I’ve never seen this side of him before.

I stared at my hands a little longer before I stood on shaking legs and walked towards the mess hall where my team sat at a table talking. The meeting had gone much longer than expected and it was dinner time. This wasn’t too much of a surprise as they’d gone over the formations and including everyone so that they knew what to expect and how the formations worked. I looked at my team a little closer and I noticed excitement, fear, worry, annoyance everyone seemed to have some kind of emotion on their face as they ate dinner and it allowed me to remember that they aren’t that much younger than myself. I made a cup of tea and took my usual seat beside Eren.

“Captain, we didn’t see you at the meeting. Is everything okay?” Bertolt asked making everyone look up cautiously.

“Had some things to hash out about formation. I’ve asked to be placed with you all which means I’ll be as close to you as I can be. They won’t make an extra block for us however I’ll probably be placed with only two of you maybe even one.”

I looked at my cup as I took a sip. “Is that why you were yelling at Captain Levi?” I tensed as my fingers curled around my mug even tighter. “Yes, it was. He wanted me in another sector away from you all working on something else.”

“Sounds like he wanted to protect you.” Sasha said between bites of food making me laugh a little. She was always hungry it seemed.

“I won’t argue that, however he has to understand you’re my team. I want to be with you.” Eren’s hand rubbed up and down my back, “He knows you’re capable of kicking titan ass (name). “

I snorted and rolled my eyes,” Hands off Eren unless you want to lose some fingers.” Teal orbs lit up amusement as his lips stretched wide to give me a grin.

“Oh they’ll grow back.”

“Could you not flirt at the table please? Some of us would like to keep our food down thanks.” I couldn’t stop myself from laughing. Jean’s tone wasn’t harsh but the annoyance was clearly there.

“I’d offer you a hug but I think you might need more than that.” I joked causing his eyes to go wide and for the entire table to burst into laughter. This felt good, felt right.

“So what made you all join the Corps?” I looked at each of them, freshly showered, informed and now full. They were relaxed, possibly even in a better mood.

“I joined so I can kill the titans.” Eren’s words were just a mere echo of what he’d told me the first time I’d asked him. “ Yes Dear, I already know.” I patted his hand my eyes on Jean who snorted.

“I just want to fight until I can get back home.” Reiner spoke thoughtfully while Bertolt echoed his sentiments. I’d seen in their file that they came from the same little town.

Mikasa was next her eyes flickering between Armin and Eren. “ I just want to be with what’s left of my family.”

That caused a warmth to spread through me. “Well family is important so I completely understand Mikasa.” She gave a nod but I noticed a small smile on her face and that felt like an accomplishment if nothing else.

Sasha gave a wide grin, “ I’ve found a family here, friends so I fight to protect them and for the food.” She was just a little sunshine it seemed though from what Eren had mentioned of her I knew I’d need to lock the food stores.

“I joined to protect my little brother. He’s in the interior walls now along with his wife and kids so now I fight to protect them.”

“That’s honorable for a soldier.” Reiner seemed to be looking at me in a new light, though It seemed as though it was more out of respect than friendship but both were just fine with me.

I’d just taken another sip of my tea when I felt his presence behind me. I tensed, “Captain Levi, what can I do for you?”

Those on the other side of the table looked shocked I knew who it was. “Everything is in order. You’ll be travelling with Mike.”

I scoffed but didn’t say anything at first. It wasn’t until he placed a hand on my shoulder and leaned down to my ear. “I’ll be in your room tonight so we can talk more about this later. I wont be late, you know my usual time. No sex just talking.”

I nodded refusing to look at my team. Eren however looked at me with worry in his eyes. Was he worried that Levi was making a move or was he worried about something else? I could feel another bout of nausea coming on. Juggling two men was harder than I thought.

I gulped down my tea and stood with a deep breath. “Meet me at the stables within 45 minutes.”

“Yes Captain.” My team called out making me smirk a little and shake my head. They were a good bunch. I didn’t miss the shared look between Bertolt and Reiner but I wouldn’t dwell on it for now. Instead I glanced at Eren and jerked my head towards the window. He gave a subtle nod and began cleaning up his area.

I walked the halls taking deep breaths my mug still clutched in my hand. It felt more like an achor holding me keeping me grounded and not stuck in my thoughts. As I got outside I walked over to my favorite tree on the training ground. It didn’t take long for Eren to come sit beside me, legs stretched out.

“So what really happened?” He asked watching me with an intensity I was used to. Those teal eyes watched for any changes within m expression, my body language maybe so he could come to the rescue or maybe because he just wanted to know things about me.

“Levi knows I love him.” I stated it as clearly and as matter of factly as I could but It seemed to shock Eren all the same.

“Like in Love with him?” His voice no that’s not right his tone was on edge as though he was bothered or maybe hurt by this knowledge. Refusing to look at him my gaze turned toward the trees and buildings, the rock formations and even the grass.

“Eren I’ve spent at least 9 years with Levi. One year sexually but 9 years with him as his friend and comrade. He may not show every aspect and side to himself to everyone but…I’ve probably seen more sides to him than anyone else.” My brows furrowed.

“I’ve seen him at some really low and angry points and I’ve seen him at some pretty high points too. I’ve been around for some rough arguments and some devastating battles.” My shoulders dropped, “No one makes me feel the way that Levi does. The good and the bad.”

I looked at Eren briefly and I could see the anger and hurt under the surface. He was doing a great job of holding that anger in and so I continued explaining. “With you its different. I can see myself falling in love with you some day. You’re thoughtful, caring, passionate a lot less reckless than I hear you used to be. You think things through more and lets not forget you’ve actually been growing battle wise and dare I say it emotionally too. You’ve gotten control of that anger.”

He was starting to relax, “You’re more open, and I love that about you. The thing is I’ve only ever been with Levi until you. I feel guilt and yet I feel…” My voice trails off as I take the last sip of my tea. He didn’t move as he waited, “ I feel free.” As I whispered the words I realized that it was the truth. With Levi felt like I needed to always be ready for anything, including heartbreak but maybe that could change? He’d been really open today…maybe Hange was right and we just needed a nice long talk.

The warmth of Eren’s calloused hands made me smile up at him, “ I’m glad I can give you that. Who knows maybe there will be more than I can give you.”

I nodded as the sky came into view once more. The sun was starting to set, that damn meeting took up most of the day I could have spent with my team. We didn’t get much done and that bothered me but true to his nature Eren kissed just below my ear. “Stop thinking so much. Things will work out, you’ll see.”

I nodded, maybe.


	6. Afraid

  
I dreaded the next few hours as I started paperwork. My body tensing at every little noise. This was going to be a problem until this meeting was over. I had so many questions, so many thoughts that it was hard to truly concentrate on what needed to be down. With new forms and paperwork to fill out for the expedition, and formations to start going over I was beginning to feel like I was drowning. 

Not to mention how drained and tired my body was. I was beginning to regret alot of things mentally and yet emotionally I felt as though things were as they should be. How could they be? I tapped my pen on my desk gently maybe to bring myself out of my thoughts and maybe to give my hand something to do instead of tugging at my earlobes. 

_knock knock_

The gentle rapt of his knuckles against the door caused me to jerk and the legs of my chair to make a screeching noise. “Ugh. Come in.” My hands cupped my ears and I rubbed them hoping to get some of the ringing out. My eyes followed him as he took a seat and watched him. I noticed the casual clothing, a regular shirt, some black pants. Despite his choice in clothing he was just as nervous as I was. 

It was in the way his eyes would stray from mine every few moments only to come right back. He leaned back in the chair with a sigh. “ I should have brought some tea.” 

A small scoff left me as I too leaned back. “ You drink tea too much. Drink some water for once would you?” 

I could see the amusement the moment is sparked within him, “ Shut up Brat. You drink just as much tea as I do.” 

“I do not. I drink plenty of water before I start training. I have to stay hydrated and you should be to.” His chuckled filled my office and without my permission my body relaxed. That must have been what he was waiting for because he lost some of his amusement and his monotone voice softened. 

“(Name)...” He started only to stop and sigh, “ I don’t know how to do this.” He waved a hand in front of him motioning not only between us but around us as well. 

We sat in silence as he worked over what to say. “I can’t promise or give you things I know you want. A family, security...a normal relationship.” His hands ran through his hair, brushing his bangs off his forehead. 

“How would you know what I want? How could you know what you can’t do if you haven’t tried it?” I didn’t mean for my tone to come out so accusatory and yet perhaps my body did. My feet moved on their own as my legs worked with them to move me closer to him. 

“I’ve watched you longing stare after mother’s with their children. I’ve seen you going to play with children when we have free time in the city. I..” He stopped and took a deep breath. “I’ve never wanted a family. I’ve never wanted companionship...until you..” He whispered the last part. 

“And that scares the shit out of me (Name). I can’t keep you safe, I can’t promise to come home to you every day or even to not return with something missing. I can’t promise I’ll be here to protect any child we have. I can’t promise anything.” 

Silver eyes sparkled with unshed tears and I knew he was giving up. I knew he was right. He couldn’t promise those things, but neither could I. “Levi, I never asked you to promise those things. I couldn’t promise them either. As for a family...you’re right. I’ve always wanted one but that doesn’t mean that I’d not be willing to not have one.” 

My hand cupped his cheek as I wiped the tears from his face remembering another hard time for him though this was more for us. My heart ached watching him like this. It was only a matter of time before my own tears gathered in my eyes. 

“You’re the only man I’ve ever been with. Maybe..I should just give someone else a chance?” His expression morphed from one of helplessness to one of jealousy and anger. 

“Like who Eren?” He snapped making me pull away as though he’d slapped me. My cheeks stung as if I’d been slapped but I knew he hadn’t. The pounding in my ears told me what I already knew the tears were going to be there any minute. 

“And So what if it was? You’re giving up Levi. Before we even have a chance. I’ve spent months, thinking it was only sex with you. How many nights I came back to my room and sobbed myself to sleep because I wanted nothing more than to curl up next to you and sleep. I wanted to feel your arms around me just a little bit longer.” 

He stood up and took a step towards me. “ Why didn’t you just say that?”

My shoulders lifted and dropped as I looked at my feet, “Because I just wanted to preserve what we have, or had I guess. Sometimes I begged you mentally to just act like you love me. It..” The cool feeling against my cheeks let me know the tears were finally falling. 

“It obviously never happened.” I’d spoken so softly that I was afraid he hadn’t heard me but the sigh and the warmth of his body against mine as he pulled me into him. My face fell into his shoulder as my own body shook with my cries. 

“I wouldn’t have had to act ( Name).” His hands rubbed soothing circles in my back but deep down I knew I had to tell him the rest. 

With a few steps back I pulled out of his embrace and wrapped my arms around myself. “Eren, is different. We talk, we joke, we flirt and I just feel... _free.” I_ muttered softly. He didn’t say anything, “ Sex with Eren is different. It’s sweet, caring...like he’s giving me his heart and just taking care of me.” 

The air he sucked into his lungs was loud against the silence now. I couldn’t look at him. Wouldn’t especially now. “With you it’s passionate, it’s rough and it’s you...I know I’m giving my all to you. I know I’m taking care of you...but sometimes Levi..I..” My voice broke, “ I need you to take care of me too...someone has to when I can’t.” 

He released the air he’d sucked in but instead of coming closer to me he took steps back and I did everything I could to stop the tears. “Eren...You..” The strain in his voice told me everything I needed to know. I listened as he picked up slammed his fist into my potted plant causing dirt to spill onto the floor. 

“Why didn’t you tell me?! Why didn’t you just fucking talk to me?!” His voice wavered and I had to wonder if we could come back from this. Our friendship, our love? Was it love? It seemed like it. The anger, the hurt in his voice. 

“Why couldn’t you just tell me what you needed?” 

“Because I didn’t know how! I didn’t know when. I didn’t know if I’d lose you in the process. Do you know how hard it is to get close to you? How bad I’ve always wanted to just be by your side?” 

He shook his head, bangs swaying. “This is not my fault!” He shouted and I stepped towards him my own anger starting to increase, “ I never said it was! It’s mine. I made the choice to not say anything. I made the choice to try and move on and yet my heart refuses to let you go!” 

Suddenly I lost my balance as the room seemed to spin around me making me groan softly. “ F-Fuck..” I whispered as little dots flitted into my vision. I grasped the edge of my desk but it was too late. Levi had seen it. 

Torn between his anger and concern he stepped forward, “Are you sick or something?” 

I shook my head and took large breaths and released it praying that the nausea and dizziness would go away. “ Just...leave...please. I..I can’t do this right now..”

“You’re not pushing me away! I refuse to lose you in any way.”His fierceness would have normally made me smile but instead I found a burning making it’s way up my throat. _Well fucking hell._

**Then everything went black.**

The sun burned against my eyelids causing me to groan softly as the pounding behind my eyes only made things worse. I shifted a little causing the sheet over me to fall to my waist. With slow and cautious blinks I opened my eyes and looked around me. I am in the infirmary. My brows furrowed as I tried to remember how I got here. Small flashes of my arguments with Levi and then the dizzy feeling before darkness. Did I pass out? If I did he must have brought me here. 

I glanced around only to find Levi sitting with paperwork in his lap, a mug in right hand and a sheet of paper in his left. He was focused on the paper, probably something for his team, or mine. “I see you’re awake.” His gaze turned to me and I sighed just watching those eyes stare at me blankly . He was putting his feelings behind a wall. 

What was I supposed to say to him right now. I’d asked him to leave and instead he’d taken me to the infirmary. “Thank you..” I croaked softly mouth dry. 

“You’ve been out for two days (name)...” He sighed as he put the paperwork down and handed me a cup with water in it. I sat up a little more and took it trying to calm my racing heart. Two days?! 

“Apparently you’ve been over working yourself, not enough sleep, not eating enough.” He looked back to the paperwork. 

“The commander has taken you off the roster for now for the expedition and no it had nothing to do with me. He wants you to rest and take better care of yourself. He can’t have you running yourself into the ground especially before an expedition.” He let all that sink in before he took a sip of what I knew to be tea. 

“Your team has been training with Mike and myself, they’ll continue to do so while you rest.” 

I could only nod and take smaller sips of the water. 

Days turned into weeks as I regained my strength and began training on my own while keeping up with my team and how they were doing. I managed to finish my paperwork and still spend time with them. There were laughs, conversations, jabs and even some roasting here and there. Eren stuck close to me, though not in the sense of a lover though I could tell he wanted to. Both he and Levi were giving me space in that aspect and I was more than grateful for it because maybe I needed to start investing in me again instead of others. 

The day before the expedition Erwin had decided I was ready and so I slept early that night and prepared myself for what was sure to be a challenge. 

What started as a simple expedition soon turned to hell. I’d been placed in the right flank with no one from my team as a last minute change. Armin however was still at least familiar as he often sat with us as a team. 

We were well into the formation when speeding towards us was an abnormal female titan. Some of the team attacked hoping to cut her down easily however instead they found death. It was harder to manuver without buildings or proper things to use our odm gear but we tried our best. 

Ness and Siss were both killed causing both me to move forwards. I blew up a signal and took a deep breath. “Armin race ahead and warn the others.” 

“But..you..”

“Do as you’re told Armin.!” He took off ahead only for her to jump over mean knock him off the horse. I raced to his side as she peered down at him pulling his hood back. Something was odd about her, it was as if she was looking for someone...

Shaking my thoughts from my head I slid off my horse just as she began running full steam ahead.F From there things were a blur. We we joined by Jean and Reiner. We once again encountered her only for Jean to be saved by Armin who seemed to have the same thought that I did. However now we suspected she was looking for Eren which made this expedition make so much more sense. 

It wasn’t just a regular expedition, though I knew we were looking to capture a titan however an intelligent titan, a traitor was a new thing altogether. Reiner being captured and saving himself was a perfect, perhaps too perfect but I’d seen Levi cut fingers off all too often however the way she’d grabbed him, wouldn’t have allowed for him to move..would it?

I’d been prepared to go in when he freed himself. Perhaps I was thinking too far into things. Things were happening so fast that all we could do was run on instinct. With Armin injured, and Jean down a horse things were not looking good. “We could double up. Armin can ride with me but Reiner can your horse carry you and Jean?” 

“My horse is coming I know he is.” He muttered just as Krista could be seen approaching us with two extra horses. This of course was a relief to Jean and yet I could only feel apprehension. 

Knowing there would be no call for a retreat I instructed them to continue with the plan and so it was with grumbles and weary bodies that we pushed our horses towards the forest. It wasn’t until there was a loud anguished cry came from the forest that we saw hoards of Titans racing towards the forest. We retreated into the trees. 

“Son of a fucking bitch.” My gaze caught nothing but green and brown as I looked further into the forest knowing Levi and Eren both were in there. It switched down to the titans that were still lingering around the trees we’d found ourselves sitting in. 

“Captain do you know what’s going on?” Armin asked making me offer a tense smile. “ I only know some things not enough to tell you what that was or what’s going on in there.” 

He nodded and then it was just him and Jean talking as I began to study the titans milling about. How much longer until I could actually do something worth while? How long until these titans are all gone?

It wasn’t until several hours later that we were told to start taking out the titans below us. Easy enough to avoid their swinging hands, their creepy stretched smiles. Slicing through their napes were easy, calming even though it probably shouldn’t have been. 

Once they were all burning away we began gathering the dead, entering the forest and doing what we could to sometimes even salvage what was left. It wasn’t until I happened upon Oluo, Petra, Eld and Gunther did I find myself staring blankly at their bodies one by one. My mouth opened and closed as I took deep breaths before I began searching frantically among the dead. He couldn’t...be..He wouldn’t..

He... “ He’s fine (name).” He’s retrieved Eren and will more than likely be found among those tending to the wounded at one of the carriages.” 

My vision blurred as I looked Erwin with a nod. _Thank you..Thank you.Thank you thank you._ The biggest problem was who was I truly crying over? _Levi_ of course part of my heart screamed while another part imagined another smiling face surrounded by friends and teammates. _Eren._

My insides felt cold as I began moving them, removing gear, wrapping them as best as I could with the help from the other survivors. So many of our own had died and I knew I should have been used to this but I could only imagine just what their families would feel upon seeing their bodies. 

Once everyone was ready we began heading out, only for more titans to show up due to those we’d loss being carried. It was with heavy hearts that we had to lose them and leave them behind. I knew without a doubt that this expedition was a failure. That once again We’d be criticized and talked down about, but all I could do was try my best to hold a brave front. What a fucking shit storm this became. 


	7. The Break

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm really not that happy with this chapter, But I did my best. I hope it's still as enjoyable but I felt that It was important to show the way that Levi has handled the loss of his team.

The first night after our expedition I found myself standing outside Levi’s door for at least 30 minutes before he threw the door open no doubt to yell at whoever was bothering him. The longer I stared at his face pinched with anger and grief. The way his brows furrowed together, the storm brewing behind his eyes. He stood staring at me for just a few breaths before he grabbed my wrist and towed me into the room as the familiar chill of shock flowed through me.

I listened as he closed and locked the door. He moved around me, and I took in his room. For the first time since I’d known him,, it was a mess. Papers were thrown hazardously around the room; a plant knocked over. He was obviously in distress with no idea how to process it than destruction, as usual. He watched me, unmoving, just staring.

“You’re okay…You’re okay.” He began to mumble softly causing my heart to ache all the more. Without another thought I knew I had to comfort him in any way he’d allow me. I wrapped my arms around him and he settled his face in my neck, arms going around my waist. “Don’t..” He muttered and I fought my tears at how lost I knew he felt. He’d grown fond of his team. He trusted in their abilities almost as much as his own and from what I’d been told and what I’d seen they’d been murdered by the titan and she still managed to escape.

“I’ll make her pay..” He tightened his hold on me but I didn’t complain instead I began caressing running my fingers through his hair doing my absolute best to soothe him. “I know you will Levi..” Cool droplets of tears touched my neck letting me know he was finally letting some of it out.

“Don’t you leave me. That’s a fucking order…don't….Please..” Emotions began to brew. That putrid taste of guilt, that warm sweet feeling, and taste of love and affection. I held him closer. “I haven’t gone anywhere,” I whispered back into the nearly silent room.

“You don’t get it, do you? I need you.” He pulled away from me the tears still on thick lashes. “I need you. What the fuck has Jaeger lost? Why does he need you? He doesn’t! I.. you’re my strength. You’re my light. Fuck you’re my world (name). How many times have you been here to make sure I don’t fall apart? How many times have I held you when you cried? Didn’t that mean anything to you?” He wasn’t yelling but the emotions behind his words told me everything.

“Of course it does Levi..”

“I can love you better than he can…I..” He stopped his eyes flicking desperately around the room. “Let me show you…”

My chest tightened painfully, “Levi we can do this another time, just let's get you a shower and in the bed…have you eaten?”

He stared at me, anguish now coloring his face. “ I can’t..” was all he managed before he pulled me into a searing kiss. “ I love you too much to lose you. I…have to show you…please...I need this..” He whispered as he placed his forehead against mine. I could only nod as he sighed with relief.

He began leading me to his bathroom where he undressed me taking his time to kiss and caress my body. All the while I could only think about his actions his words. I was the only person he truly let see him this way. What had he done if I hadn’t come to him? Perhaps more destruction…What would he be like if I’d never been there for him?

Hell, what would I be like? His voice calling my name brought me out of my thoughts as he stood under the shower a new clean cloth to wash my body. I stepped in my mind still clouded but I would give him my all, as I always did. It’s what you do for the people you love.

I stood perfectly still as Levi took his time washing and caressing my body. The amount of love he put into his actions warmed my heart it was so out of character for him. The way he slid his hands lightly over my skin, through the suds while taking extra care to sensitive areas. It was in the way he gripped and caressed my breasts after he washed them, eyes staring into me. He may struggle to say the words but this told me all I needed to know.

I took his clothe, rubbed the soap on it, and returned the favor. I took my time watching him, watching his face as I washed and caressed his body. For the most part, I ignored how hard he got just wanting to show him that I loved him more than he could understand. Somehow I found just him being my focus. When we were all clean and rinsed off he took my face in his hands and kissed me. His lips soft, wet, and yet it was the best kiss we’ve ever shared and I felt bad.

Was I taking advantage of him? Or was he taking advantage of how much I loved and cared about him? The pleasure, the happiness the excitement that filled me to the brim told me not to worry about it right now but to revel, to wash myself with these feelings, with his actions. So I pressed myself closer to him, the water rushing over our bodies ignored instead for the heat that was easily rising between us.

His hands firmly squeezing and massaging my chest causing soft pants and moans to leave my throat. My hands-on his cock, rubbing, tugging, and caressing him causing his groans to be torn from his throat. How long had it been? Just days, several days since he’d had me and yet I too felt starved for him. His hand left my skin, though a fire in my veins. “Levi..” came the whisper only for him to reach behind him and turn the water off.

“Bed, We’ll continue on the bed…” Was his response which all I could do was nod. We both grabbed towels and started the process of drying off. Was this always here with him? Could he have given this to me before had I spoken up? We entered his bedroom and I sighed at just how familiar his room had become to me. “ I want you in the center of the bed..”

He moved about the room grabbing little oils I was sure these were the oils he used to rub into his skin to keep it so healthy but I said nothing as I laid the towel on the chair before I crawled into the center of the bed. Levi was tense, uncomfortable even is what it seemed. He was trying hard. That was the moment I realized just how hard he was trying for me. Was it just fear? Was it just that he wanted to be able to show me? Was he this tense in the shower? It didn’t feel like it.

“Levi you don’t have to make yourself uncomfortable. Just come to bed. We’ll sleep, or we can talk..” He turned sharply his eyes telling me to be quiet, that he needed to do this. The stubborn man that he was could only be told so many times to not do something before he snapped.

“I need to do this (name), why is it so hard for you to see? To understand?” He moved towards me the oils in hand, “ If I don’t I’ll lose you.”

Those words were starting to haunt me more than anything and I knew it was time to just clear things up. “How many people have you been with before me?” My voice was soft and yet firm, showing him I was not going to back down from this.

“That doesn’t matter.” He scoffed, as he set the bottles on the bed, head bent refusing to look at me. I sighed and covered my hand with his.

“Levi I’ve only ever been with you and you know that...well before...Eren...It was different. I’ve never dated and …”

“And you think I’ve been interested in relationships? Do you think I gave those idiots out there the time of day? I didn’t! Because I knew…I knew one day that they’d die on me. I knew that one day...just one day they wouldn’t be there.” He glared at me although it wasn’t a glare of anger more one of annoyance.

“Just let me show you that I can make you feel the way he does…That’s all I want.” He moved closer to me as he grabbed one of the bottles.

“Did you ever stop to consider I fell in love with you for you? That I still cherish the way you make me feel when we’re alone. You don’t need to change Levi, I just need to learn to understand the way you express your love…” I moved closer to him on my hands and knees and pressed my cheek against his.

“I need you, not some fake. Not some uncomfortable man. I need you, Levi. Rough, passionate, you. No one else.” I pressed my lips against his neck, his shoulder, and jaw. “Just you...I want Levi Ackerman.” I mumbled as he finally turned to face me. “You mean it?”

I nodded my head getting to my knees pulling him to me. “More than you’ll ever know. Just be yourself, Levi.” He nodded slowly before he took a deep breath and pushed me onto my back.

He opened the bottle poured some of the liquid into his hand and began massaging it into my skin starting at my thighs and working his way down. He was silent as he did this, every so often glancing up at my eyes a swirl of too many emotions for me to read.

He continued to massage the oils into my skin only stopping to graze my core twice with the lightest of touches. It was obvious he still wanted to have sex, be it for reassurance or merely because it’d been a few days, and he normally wouldn’t have to go that long. It didn’t matter because after he put the oils away he crawled up the bed and began to massage my core once more. Fingers circling my clit with a firm touch but gently caresses.

“I still want to take my time…I want to cherish you the way I should have been…these last few months.”

I could only nod as he slipped a finger inside of me making me gasp a little my hips jerking just a little. He easily added another finger as his mouth began to kiss and suck at my neck where the bruises had already started healing.

There wasn’t anything for me to say. I could stop him of course, but I wanted to give him everything. I needed to give him all of me. So as he moved to settle himself between my legs, rubbing his length up and down my lower lips I hummed softly my arms going up and around his neck pulling him down so that our lips could connect. He pressed his body as close as he could while sliding into me.

I’d heard talk of how people believed that Levi was small in that department and they couldn’t have been any more wrong. Levi was long, but not very thick. He reached the bets of places and sometimes beyond. The initial thrust left me breathless as always but that was it. He stopped. Instead, he gazed at my face as though memorizing the way I looked in his bed, smelling of him, alive and breathing.

“I’m here Levi. I’m alive and I love you.” My lips pressed to his, my legs laying wide open, my core welcoming him.

The tears gathered in his eyes as he began moving slowly, dragging his length against my walls in the most sinful of ways driving me crazy. My moans wouldn’t be stopped however they were light, small and that wouldn’t do for him. He gripped my thighs as he pulled back to rest on his knees. He pushed deeper, harder causing those moans to build in both intensity and volume. His hands moved all over my body touching places he knew were sensitive spots. Pulling at my nipples while leaning over to suck and kiss the other.

He was softer tonight, I can’t tell you how long we went at it. I can’t explain the level of love, the level of tender care, and yet it was the night that everything changed. Because that night, he broke, he did his best to pull back together but he kept me nestled into his body that night refusing to let me leave.


	8. A Choice

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This Chapter is where we will see the differences as I post the Alternative Ending. This ending is leading towards Levi so going forward until the alternative is up you'll be with Levi romantically.

Over the next few days Levi stayed beside me at least somewhat acting himself. We got a few weird looks the first few days that he walked with me into the mess hall and sat with me. A few weirder looks when he made me tea instead of making his own first. The air within the mess hall was thick with grief even as we welcomed some new recruits in. Things were looking pretty bad for us but Erwin ever the charismatic leader did his best to raise and keep the spirits as high as he could.

“You should eat.” Levi muttered breaking me out of my thoughts. With a nod I took small bites surveying the room. Despite the new recruits our mess hall really was starting to look bare but Erwin already had plans as he’d been having meetings left and right. My eyes fell back to my food with a soft groan.

“You’ve been a lot quieter than usual. I know things are looking grim but look at what we’ve learned!” Hange always the excited bean of the group.

“Yeah of course. I guess I’m just tired you know. Nightmares.” I mumbled though Levi knew the truth as I’d spent more nights beneath him, in his bed and crying into his arms than sleeping only to get up early to train and spend time with my team between meetings.

“Well you need to eat. Erwin has another meeting with us and it seems Armin, Mikasa and Eren.” She gave me a knowing look and I straightened up my fists tightening around my fork. “I understand…” Without thinking I grabbed my plate my appetite gone. I offered Sasha what was left of my food which she eagerly took making me smile. Once my dishes were cleaned I left the hall altogether in search of Eren.

I found him at the stables mucking out the stalls. “Come to rub Levi in my face more?” He sneered making me narrow my eyes. I sucked my teeth and crossed my arms. “ I wasn’t rubbing anyone or anything in your face. I just haven’t had any free time to check on you and that’s my fault…I..” My voice trailed off as there he stood shirtless, sweaty and obviously angry. I turned my head towards my horse to distract myself.

“His team…It’s been a bit of a shock to him though he hasn’t shown it outside of his office. I’m just making sure he takes care of himself is all.” My fingers combed through Her mane causing her to whinny just a little making me smile.

“I know your friends have been with you so I didn’t want to bother you guys.”

“Bullshit!” He yelled throwing the shovel down. My head snapped towards his direction just to see him stomping towards me. “You can’t Play with my feelings like this. It’s fucking bullshit and I think you should know better than that _Captain._ ”

His words rang and bounced around my head. I shook my head a dry laugh leaving me. “So you want me to make a choice and make a choice right now huh?” My hand reached out to cup his cheek but he stepped back.

“Things are changing, coming and I need to know if you’re really going to be here… I want you to be but you can’t do that for both of us. You’ve already shown that. “ I watched as he kicked the stall door in both anger and frustration.

It probably didn’t help that Mikasa seemed to follow him even more closely now and these meetings, his experiments and training.

“I’ll make a decision, but I need to know that no matter what you’ll be okay.” How selfish could I be? I watched as his face twisted as he practically glared at me with disdain.

“I’ll be fine.” He spat and admittedly I probably deserved that. I watched him as he snatched up the shovel and went back to mucking out the stall he’d been in before. “You should get cleaned up we have a meeting with Erwin soon.”

“Fuck..” He screamed having obviously forgotten. I studied him closely, he was tense all over. “Eren you’re not…”

“No I fucking haven’t. Not since…” He waved a large hand towards me and I realized I’d really been doing too much. How was I even standing? My eyes filled with tears of anger and frustration at myself. Putting myself between the two of them. Fucking them both admittedly I loved every second of each time I got a chance, a taste of them.

I still got my work done but wasn’t I worth more than just sex? Wasn’t Levi doing his everything to prove that? Shouldn’t Eren be more focused on his tasks? His experiments? The world had bigger problems than sex and relationships so what the absolute fuck were we doing?

My eyes looked up at the ceiling of the barn and I shook my head. “I’ll see you tonight okay?”

“No. I’ll figure something out.” The rejection of his words stung but I understood instead I left the barn. I wouldn’t be late and I couldn’t dwell on this now.

“The female titan is among us and I believe we know who she might be.” Erwin sat at the table his right elbow resting on the table as he motioned to each person individually. Eren somehow had made it by the skin of his teeth. I stood further away from him or perhaps he stood further away from me on purpose but either way he was much farther than I’d wanted.

Everyone had a chance to speak, a chance to throw in their opinions and ideas on who it could be until Armin finally had his chance and going through everything he mentioned we came to the conclusion that it was indeed Annie Leonhart.

And so more preparations began there for a chance to capture her and learn even more about Titans. Unfortunately, we were also expected to turn over Eren which was yet another issue for us. He was valuable in more ways than one and Erwin was determined to not lose Eren no matter the cost.

That night I knocked on Levi’s door and as expected he answered it with his usual blank face, eyes studying me.

“Tch.”

A small smile twitched at my lips begging to be shown but I ignored it as I entered his room. “You could have stayed in your room and slept idiot.”

I shrugged and began unbuttoning my shirt slowly. “Maybe I just need to feel you.” My heart was racing this was just like any other time and yet it felt different. His hands enveloped mine as he stopped me and began undressing me himself.

“I’ve spent a lot of time thinking today while doing that shit load of paperwork. I realize I’ve been selfish in the way I’ve treated you and for once I want to give instead of take.” My shirt was pushed off my shoulders easily. My bindings were unwrapped from my chest and pants slid off my legs.

He pushed me onto the couch and spread my legs. My brows furrowed as I watched him massage my thighs. He’d never done this before but my body anticipated it. Anticipated his every move, waiting eagerly for the pleasure to overwhelm me.

He wasn’t ready to really say the words but I could see just how much he meant them with his actions. His face lowered to my slit and tentatively he gave a long lick before parting my lips to suck at my clit. My hand balled up into a fist and I bit it as the sudden action sent a shock through my body.

“You…you have to build up to it Levi…”I did my best to speak around my fist. I wanted to help him and yet I didn’t want him to be embarrassed or anything. A stark reminder that Eren truly had been at this much more causing a small pang to run through me.

“I can’t understand you like that. Try again brat.” He slapped my thigh making me squeak.

“Start with long licks um…with the flat of your tongue kind of experiment but just going for my clit is a bit of an overload.”

He nodded looking thoughtful. “I see.” He lowered his head once more and this time began prodding my entrance with his fingers, two to be exact while mouth placed open kisses and bites long my thigh making me give a small sigh.

His fingers began pumping into me slowly, no curling as I knew full well he wasn’t ready to get to that part yet. He wanted to draw this out as long as he could and I’d let him.

The wetter I became the closer he came to my clit until finally he was once again sucking on it but at the right time. My moans began to rise though I did my best to stifle them. He swirled and flicked his tongue randomly and yet everything about it spurred me on until finally he felt me clenching around his fingers.

I watched as he pulled his fingers from me and sucked on them. “Not bad. Might have to do this more often.” The husky tone of his voice caused shivers to rush down my body and I smiled which seemed to please him as he began undressing himself every so often ghosting his fingers over my breasts.

“You’re beautiful (name).” His words caused my body to warm from the inside out. “Don’t get sappy now big shot..” I mumbled to him as he pushed his pants off.

He chuckled as he settled between my legs once more though this time teasing me with his length. My hips bucked up wanting him despite the orgasm he’d just given us. He took his time inching into me allowing me to savor the way he spread and stretched me. The way my body clung to him helplessly begging him to stay.

Once he was all in his hand went to my throat where he squeezed the sides a little, his eyes staring into mine. He began thrusting with a slight grind making sure to put that pressure on my clit and with only a couple of these thrusts in I was losing control. The way the pleasure spread from both my clit and the feeling of him thrusting into me was driving me to the edge much quicker.

Before long he had built up a pace, not entirely slow but not fast either. It felt as though he was truly savoring this just as much as I was.

Soft grunts and groans left him as I rocked my hips back up to meet his. “I want you…I want you forever.” He leaned down placing small kisses to my neck instead of the usual bites and bruises.

My arms went up and around him pulling him closer. I could feel his heart slamming into his chest as mine was doing the same. He stared into my eyes, his hips still pumping away, and it was his eyes I watched as I finally fell apart around him.

“Fuck…” He cursed as he began speeding up his hands now on either side of head as he did his best to reach his own release. He leaned his head down and kissed me deeply and that was when I knew. I’d made my choice.

He filled me up his body sagging onto mine slightly. Tears sprung to my eyes as I buried my face into his neck. Did I ever really have a choice?


	9. A/N:

For a while I felt really stressed, trapped and like I was losing track of this story because so many events happened at a time and I wanted to stay as Canon as I could. I didn't realize how much I was stressing myself out. I didn't realize how much I was putting on myself until it came time to write the next chapter and I just couldn't. Today I got an amazing comment on it and the guilt returned. I've been placing the story on a hiatus until I could figure out what to do with it. I've completely deleted it off tumblr but perhaps, I should consider rewriting it, and it only being a Levi X Reader or Levix y/n. I really am sorry you guys have waited for so long for this. I've just been really struggling but now I think I'm ready to start this story over, perhaps even make it better. 


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